Going Through It

Going Through It Season 2 Episode 13 Tika Sumpter Transcript

Tracy: This is Going Through It, a show about women who found themselves in situations where they said, nope, uh-uh, no thank you. And they made a decision to make a change and turn something around. I'm your host, Tracy Clayton.

Tika: I knew I wanted to be in the movies since I was a kid. Just didn't understand how it was going to happen.

Tracy: Let's Tika Sumpter. Tika is a model, producer and an actress who's been in the acting game for over a decade now. But years before she will go on to get our big break on the daytime soap One Life to Live, Tika was an 18 year old Black girl trying to figure out how to get into college.

Tika: College was never really spoken about in my house, to be honest. It was like finish high school.

Tracy: So Teco applied to Marymount Manhattan College for the first year. Things were going great. Teka was enrolled in acting classes and she was on her way to becoming the big actress that she dreamed of being, until she got that bill. Bars.

Tika: I get this bill and it says, 10 thousand dollars. So 10 thousand dollars to a 17, 18 year old who has no money is -- you can say it was ten million dollars because it was, it was impossible that I was going -- I was never going to pay it.

Tracy: Whew! If there is one person who knows about those private school bills, it is me. It's like one minute your just minding your business, getting your education on and what not. And then the next minute you're being told that you owe thousands and thousands and millions and millions of dollars. I mean, the horror and also the nerve. I can't learn this way. I'm stressed.

Tika: They were like, so you either pay this or, you know, your classes are going to all be dropped. My mind just was like, okay, let me go and see how I can fix this. Let me remedy this. And I went to financial aid. And they're like, yeah, no more financial aid. Your parents supposedly make too much. And I'm like, well, what does that mean? They make -- my mom was a corrections officer at Rikers and she has five kids. And so she didn't have it. And I called my grandma. I called everybody to ask. And that was the last time I said I will ever ask anybody for money because it felt so defeating.

Tracy: And here's where things shifted. Something kicked in for Tika.

Tika: It was just like fight or flight. I was like, okay, I have a certain amount of time to get out of this apartment, find a roommate on Craigslist and get -- what's the quickest thing I can do to get money waitressing. And that's how it all kind of began.

Tracy: Doesn't it sound kind of like a film in the making? Girl Goes to college. Girl get's the bill. Girl says, oh, hell no. I got to make this happen somehow. Tika had a college bill to pay and she was tired of sleeping on floors.

Tika: I needed to get a job and I needed to feed myself, clothe myself and have shelter. But I think my outlook on New York was just, it was a weird sense of excitement, like, I don't know what's going to happen.

Tracy: While Tika was waitressing, she was also networking and she was partying. Come on, she's still 18 and youthful. Got all that energy. And one day, a random conversation with Stephen, who was the owner of a popular club, changed everything for her.

Tika: One day he stops and he's like, Tika, what do you want to do? Like, what do you -- what's your dream? And I was like, I'm pursuing acting. And he's like, do you have an agent? And I'm like, no. He's like, okay, there's gonna be this woman, this agent meeting you -- meet you at this office. And I want you to meet her. So you guys can see if you vibe or click or whatever.

Tracy: Mmmm. Y'all got your popcorn? Or like a snack or something because this is getting good. This is from real life New York, New York drama that's unfolding here right now. Right. So Tika took Steven's advice. And she marched right on down to that agent's office because she knew that an agent was the one thing that could help open doors for her and open those doors fast.

Tika: She's like, hi, I'm Rita Mazola. You know what I mean? And then she's like, she's like, oh, my God, you're beautiful. You're beautiful! Oh, my God. So what do you -- you know.Tell me about yourself. And she gave me a chance! And if it wasn't for Steven who introduced me to my first agent and saw something in me and first of all, just stopped to ask a little Black girl, like girl, what do you -- you don't want to just be partying. Like, what do you want to do? You know. And he asked me. And that's how I got my first agent.

Tracy: Now, these are the kind of made it in New York stories that I absolutely live for. As anyone who been even a few hours in the city can tell you, this place is brutal. It can be really hard. And it's certainly not for the faint of heart.

Tika: But Tika knew how big a dream she had and she went for it anyway. That kind of persistence and faith is hella inspiring y'all. I was so excited to hear how Tika's journey continued after she got that agent and how all of these life lessons are now skills that she can not wait to share with her daughter. Uh, I love it. Hope you're ready to be inspired.

Tracy: So I'm very, very fascinated by your hustleness. And first of all, first and foremost, because I cannot tell you the speed with which my Black ass [laughter] would have been on something with wheels going home to my mama, if I'm in New York City and --

Tika: [crosstalk] And I wouldn't blame you. I wouldn't blame you.

Tracy: [crosstalk] Like wait! What? So talk to me about what those first jobs were like for you. Like, did you find the job that, like, helped you to stop worrying about money finally?

Tika: It was weird because, you know, I, you know, picked up jobs here and there. I remember one of my first big jobs. I remember it like yesterday. It was for Curve perfume. You can probably buy it in Duane Reade right now still --

Tracy: I remember Curve. [laughs].

Tika: For mark down at a dollar. [laughs].

Tracy: Or at TJ Ma[crosstalk] . [laughs]

Tika: Or at TJ Max[crosstalk] . Shout out. But and we were -- they were pulling us in this taxi. And, you know, I was -- I couldn't believe I was in the middle of Times Square being pulled around to do this commercial. And I remember my mom seeing it for the first time. And she was like, wait, what?! Like, this is real?! Like [laughter] --.

Tracy: She was like, wait, you can make a living doing that stuff? Amazing.

Tika: Right. And so that was like one of my first jobs, I remember. And then I remember doing kind of like this after school, like don't do drugs kind of show [laughs], you know, with actually somebody who used to be on the what's that first show that America Ferrera was on? Ugly Betty.

Yeah.

It was Becky Newton. Me and Becky Newton were on this like after school program thing. We were best friends. Every time. And so I just remember, like, all these, like, jobs accumulating. And then the one job that, like, I never had to work another waitressing job, which was my first job ever, was when I booked One Life to Live. And the -- obviously the process has changed. I remember circling newspapers to go and find my own acting jobs, even though I still you know, I had an agent, but I was just the hustler. I was like, Oh, did you see this one? Did you see this one? And, oh, I'm going to go to this open call. And all these things. And now, yeah, it's a little different. But I feel like there is nothing better than somebody seeing you and talking to you and feeling who you are. Because I feel like that's how I became -- I'm such a chameleon. Like I feel like I can be in any room and talk to anybody.

Tracy: Yeah.

Tika: Because of my life experience and because I'm just -- I don't know. There's a light that comes on.

Tracy: And that probably comes from shit, all the struggle that Black women have to do a lot all the time. So.

Tika: Ma'am, all the coding, all the bouncing in and out of different spaces. Child.

Tracy: [crosstalk] Woo! Taking out your braids, putting them back in. It's too much. [laughs].

Tika: Put -- ma'am. Way too much.

Tracy: It's all we talk about. Unpaid labor. Okay. So [laughter] earlier you were taking about -- we were both talking about, like, the way that it used to be and like the way that our mothers and grandmothers are used to just like basically living and surviving. And this is like, you either go to school you get -- or you get a job. If you're working a job you don't like, you do not quit that job until you have another job.

Tika: Sure.

Tracy: And I feel like creative fields, like acting especially, like all of that is like out the window. Right. Like the process is different. Were you ever -- was there ever a moment where you were like, you know what? I'm on a limb that, like, my folks have not been on with this acting thing. I wonder if I am gonna fall on my face because I don't have like a 9 to 5 or whatever to fall back on.

Tika: Yeah, I think that's true most of your acting life, you know, until you, until you can continually compete and win it out every time until. It's a consistent job, I think you're all -- and even when it's a consistent job, we've seen those thi -- those shows or we're like, oh my God, it's amazing. And it's like gone. You know.

Tracy: [crosstalk] Yeah. So scary.

Tika: But it's a different lev -- It's scary. But then there's a different level of gone. It's like, oh, well, for me, when I booked One Life to Live, I remember quitting my job and walking out because I was crying, because I felt so abused mentally and just verbally by the patrons that were visiting. And I said, I'm done with this. I said, God, I have done everything you told me to do. I've been auditioning. I've been taking classes. I've been doing everything right. Like everything! You know, and living in apartments with no furniture. Like I've done it all. Living -- just -- and I'm like, I'm so tired. Like, speak to me! [laughter] And at the time, actually, I was dating this guy who was an editor and he knew how miserable I was. And he's like, Tika just, you know, he's like, go follow, which this is never happen to me in my life. He was like, look. I can I can, like, make sure we're good. You know, he's like, go and follow your dreams. Like, give yourself three months to, like, really go and like focus everything you can on acting. And I'm like, what?!

Tracy: And he's like I got the -- I got the bills and the finances -- ?

Tika: [crosstalk] Ma'am, ma'am.

Tracy: What?

Tika: Yes!

Tracy: Um, I have so many more questions. Number one way is --.

Tika: Wait!

Tracy: This is not your husband, right? Number two, is he single? Number three, if he's not, is he happy? [laughs]

Tika: [crosstalk] He's not my husband. And he [laughs] -- he's not my husband. And he's no longer single. But.

Tracy: Ugh.

Tika: He really just the -- just most women in general, and most Black women, don't ever get somebody saying, go and follow your dreams. I got you. Don't worry about it.

Tracy: This is why I watch reality TV, honestly. I'm like let me see --.

Tika: Oh, my God.

Tracy: What the Real Housewives of all the rich people are doing? Because I will never. [laughs] I'll never know what this tastes like.

Tika: That -- Or you -- or you will.

Tracy: [crosstalk] What?

Tika: Or will -- or something, you know.

Tracy: Or an option, option.

Tika: Or you just have all your own stuff and you like, I got it. I'm out.

Tracy: Absolutely.

Tika: You know what I mean?

Tracy: Did my therapist send you to correct my negative thinking? [laughs]

Tika: Ma'am. I was like in Jesus name. No you won't. But yeah. And so he was like, I got you. And I was like, okay. So I'm crying down the street or whatever, this is before I get home and before he tells me all these things. And it was like out of a movie. My agent calls me and she goes, You booked One Life to Live.

Tracy: Mhmm.

Tika: It was like a day or so later. And I'm -- it's a sunny day. It was summertime. And she's like, she's so -- she goes, you booked One Life to Live. You are a contract player now. And I was like, God, is this what it takes? Me screaming at you? [laughs]

Tracy: [laughs] I shoulda yelled at you years ago. [laughter] Wow.

Tika: Yeah. So I didn't even need his offer, you know what I mean? Like at all.

Tracy: [crosstalk] Wow.

Tika: I didn't even need it. But the fact that he offered I was like, I don't even know what that is, but thank you. [laughter] And I booked a job literally days later.

Tracy: Amazing. This is such a great segue way to to talk about money because, like, I don't know what I would have done in that situation where he was just like, you know what? Money, I got it. Don't worry about it.

Tracy: I feel like I have been like, thank you, but I should keep like a little job just in case? You know what I mean--.

Tika: Right.

Tracy: Because, like, the thought of just like not having money come in, especially in this city, is terrifying. I don't know what your relationship with money was like before, but like once you were starting to like get like paid paid, like capital P Paid. How did you learn how to manage it? How did you learn how to have money?

Tika: I learned that I didn't want to lose it. And I didn't I didn't want to be struggling like I was.

Tracy: Amen.

Tika: Like I knew that -- I'm a saver in general. Like I buy nice things, but like when I buy something, it's it's specific and it's -- and it's like functional. It's like real estate. [laughter] It's like, yeah, sometimes I'll buy nice shoes, but like, shoes aren't my thing. Like, I like sneakers really. Like, but not like I'm not standing on line and I'm not paying two thousand dollars for a pair of sneakers. Like never.

Tracy: [crosstalk] Yeah. Yeah.

Tika: Like, I just wouldn't do it. But like there are things that I like, right, but I know that too shall pass. And it's not going to benefit my future. I don't know how I learned because I was never taught, ,here's your checkbook, here's your -- I just knew that I never wanted to go to a grocery store again and start counting how much money I had in my account and if I had enough to cover it.

Tracy: [crosstalk] Ooh wee. Mmmm.

Tika: And I remember the anxiety being in line counting, like how much I had in my account or being declined or saying try it again or taking stuff out of the -- of the cart because it wasn't enough. So I knew --

Tracy: Whew!

Tika: Yes, I knew. I did not want to be in that position. And even now I have some PTSD with that, even though I know what I have in my bank account. I have PTSD sometimes, like going to -- giving my card and being like, oh my God, is it going to go through? You know what I mean?

Tracy: Yeah!

Tika: I think it was just the fear.

Tracy: Yeah.

Tika: Fear taught me how to manage my own money.

Tracy: Yeah. I just -- there was just so much I didn't know about money when I was in college during like one -- the four most expensive years of my life. I'm writing checks and I don't know where they going to. And I don't know about this, that and the third.

Tika: [crosstalk] Oh yeah. And applying for those credit cards that they were standing out front with.

Tracy: Whoo child. Like you mean, this is free money? Free plastic money is what it felt like. So [laughs] my question is, what lessons about money will you teach your daughter? Especially considering everything that you were not taught when you probably needed to have known it and found out later? Like, what are the most important things for her to know.

Tika: Don't spend money you don't have. You don't count on a check before it is actually in your bank account. Balancing a checkbook is important. Signing your own checks is also important. Always. Yeah. So those are some of the things I would teach Ella.

Tracy: I mean, I -- it doesn't surprise me, like just this conversation alone. And just like reading your story, it does surprise me that you were able to push through having a 10 million dollar student loan like at all because like there's definitely like a spirit and a hustle nature that you have to have. How do you take care of yourself? Because, I mean, being like that high energy and having that drive sounds really draining and exhausting --.

Tika: Exhausting?

Tracy: Yeah.

Tika: Oh, my God. I just put myself on a 10 pm I must be in bed because I --.

Tracy: Mmm. 10 pm's a good time.

Tika: I was I-- Oh, my God, bedtime. Exactly. I was going to bed at three a.m. and it was bad. And it wasn't healthy. So that because I wake up earlier. Right. And I feel alive and I go for a long walk now in the morning. I make sure I have -- I'm not a big breakfast person, but I make sure I have this bomb oatmeal that I make. And I make sure that I, I take baths, you know.

Tracy: Baths like sitting down, soaking baths, not just like a--.

Tika: Soaking -- no soaking baths. Like whatever amount of money you have, like, it is so important to take a second for yourself.

Tracy: It really is.

Tika: And I know people have a lot of responsibilities, but if you don't care for yourself, you really can't care for anybody else.

Tracy: Like, you can't do anything else, let alone like care for people.

Tika: [crosstalk] You can't do anything else.

Tracy: Yeah.

Tika: And you're just working in a state of just going all the time. And I understand that mentality because I've had to do it and people have to do it. And my mom had to do it. But she had her nights out, you know, where she went out. And I was like, what? [laughter] What are you doing? What is this? What if this? What are you wear?

Tracy: What? Where you going?

Tika: [crosstalk] Why am I going? Right Exactly.

Tracy: [crosstalk] You can't wear that to church.

Tika: [crosstalk] Yes. Right. Exactly.

Tracy: I feel that in myself. I don't even have kids. I'm just --

Tika: [crosstalk] Yeah. Yes. Yes.

Tracy: I get it. What about moments where, like you're like in your hand and you have just like not feeling confident or like great or like you can do it or just like kind of doubting yourself. Is there a pep talk that you give yourself in those moments so you just kind of, kind of sit and feel it till it goes away?

Tika: Yeah, I have those probably once a month. [laughs].

Tracy: Is that all? I'm jealous. [laughs].

Tika: Yeah, no -- but I have, but I have them strong.

Tracy: Yeah.

Tika: Strong sensations of like everything is not working. You know, nobody likes me. No -- you know it's like these strong sensations of like, oh like -- like just like not feeling worthy of the life wherever you are that you created your -- for yourself.

Tracy: Yeah.

Tika: Or the job that you actually got and were excited to have it when you first got it. Like you just feel like everything's falling apart and nothing is working and nobody likes you and just all these things. And it's like a wave, it's like a deep wave. And if I don't get up and move -- like I found in myself, if I don't exercise or walk out or walk around or listen to some T.D. Jakes or something.

Tracy: Right.

Tika: He gives me my pep talk.

Tracy: [crosstalk] Oh yeah.

Tika: Cus I'm like, I ain't, I ain't got it. I ain't got it. [laughter] You know what I'm saying?

Tracy: That's called, outsourcing, is what my therapist taught me.

Tika: [crosstalk] I love --

Tracy: [crosstalk] When you don't got it, somebody else does.

Tika: [crosstalk] Somebody else does.

Tracy: A thing that my therapist told me about, like the little voice in your head that like super like fucks me up in a good way. She was like, well, what do you think this voice is like trying to get you to do? Does it just want you to fail? Does it just want you to just like what? And I was like, well, I think it's keeping me safe from things that I'm scared of. And she was like, well, what if you say to that voice, you know, I see what you're trying to do. You're trying to help me. Thank you. But I got it. And I was just like --.

Tika: Oooh, I like that.

Tracy: Well, you can do that? Oh, my gosh.

Tika: [crosstalk] You can.

Tracy: [crosstalk] I tried it and it worked at least once. I need to practice it. But.

Tika: Yeah!

Tracy: [crosstalk] [inaudible]

Tika: I'ma use that.

Tracy: Yeah! Let me know how it goes.

Tika: [crosstalk] I see what you -- I see what you saying, Satan, but no.

Tracy: Right. Right.

Tika: I ain't doing that. [laughs]

Tracy: I hear you and all but thanks for coming but now.

Tika: [crosstalk] Yeah. Cus sometimes the voice is like not negative. It is trying to put into -- I feel like there is a difference between intuition and then negative thoughts that are impacting your brain and overwhelming you. So we all know we need to listen to intuition. But sometimes I'm talking more about like the negativity of that.

Tracy: Just like the straight up demon-homie type. Okay.

Tika: [crosstalk] Straight up wrong. Just demon.

Tracy: Got you. Got you. Demons cannot stay.

Tika: Nope.

Tracy: You might leave. Okay.

Tika: Must.

Tracy: Speaking of demons and deities and such. I have a question for you, right.

Tika: Yeah.

Tracy: Or in a hypothetical situation for you. So.

Tika: Yeah.

Tracy: Let's say that said deity is like, we're gonna have to redo the whole college period of your life. Right.

Tika: Okay.

Tracy: But I will let you either do it the way that you already did and drop out of school or you'll be able to afford to stay in college. Which would you choose?

Tika: Oh, man, that's hard because I do want to finish college. You know what I mean? Like I, I always am enamored by people who have went to college, especially like a historically Black university.

Tracy: Same.

Tika: And I'm like, oh, I wish I went to Howard or Spelman or one of these things. And just that experience and the amount -- the beautiful minds that you're surrounded with. But I honestly would rather relive my life.

Tracy: Yeah.

Tika: Because it created such a force for me. Like, I don't just feel that way because of the stuff that has come to me. I feel that way because I feel strong inside. Like, I feel like I can make real decisions about my life or for my child. I feel like I can really teach something. I feel like I have stuff to give.

Tracy: [crosstalk] Right. Right.

Tika: Right? And so I, I would relive all of it because I wouldn't change a thing. You would not change one person. I dated one person. I just had a romp with, you know, one person I just kissed in a club. [laughter] One person that I, you know, whatever. I wouldn't change not having furniture and not being able to pay rent, being anxious. I just feel like those things created who I am. And it just made me for a stronger person and more equipped to, like, talk to Ella about --.

Tracy: [crosstalk] Yeah.

Tika: What's, what's necessary in life.

Tracy: Mm hmm. Mm hmm. I had a feeling, as you would say, that. But --.

Tika: Yeah. Yeah.

Tracy: [crosstalk] I still had to ask you.

Tika: [crosstalk] Yeah. Thank you.

Tracy: Of course, of course.

Tika: Thank you for asking.

Tracy: I mean, I'm -- it helps me to hear people say that they would do the hard shit all over again because it kind of helps me get through hard shit like tomorrow, you know, just like know if there are people who can appreciate all the tough shit that they've gone through because of what they got from it.

Tika: [crosstalk] Yes!

Tracy: It always helps you keep going so.

Tika: Well it makes you feel less alone.

Tracy: Yeah.

Tika: Right? That's what it is.

Tracy: Hit the nail on the head.

Tika: It makes you feel less alone.

Tracy: Okay. I have one more question. This is a bit of advice for someone who is not me at all. My name is Tracy. This is my friend Stacy. I know it sounds coincidental, I know. [laughter] Get it all the time. So you definitely know and understand what it takes to push through tough situations and how hard it can be to do so. And so my friend Stacy, you know, she's got a couple of career curveballs thrown at her, you know, which, I mean, happens in life. But when this happens to Stacy, she kind of gets a little discouraged. And, you know, it's just kind of hard for her to just, like, get back up, get back on the horse and do it again. Especially because a lot of times when you fail, quote unquote, or you feel like you fail, you lose trust in your ability to, like, keep yourself safe and to, like, push yourself through things. I mean, this is what Stacy says. I don't know.

Tika: Yeah.

Tracy: So the question is, what advice would you give her to keep pushing forward, even though everything in her body is saying, sit your Black ass down.

Tika: Down. [laughs]

Tracy: And do something else. Like just just -- it's an option. You can sit down. Just sit down. What would you tell her?

Tika: I would tell her, what is -- what is the voice telling her to sit down and do. Is it telling her to sit down and rethink her plan? Right? Is it telling her to sit down and just don't follow her dream? Is it telling her, sit down, get this steady job and follow your dream at the same time, while you're working your -- while you're working, you're also working your craft or whatever that is that you want to become. Right. I think it's really important sometimes if you have a second to really sit down and think out what you want.

Tracy: Ah.

Tika: Rather than just kind of going all over the place, right. Even though I was all over the place in New York, I knew what I wanted. I literally remember making dream boards, you know what I mean? Like, I knew what I wanted. I might have been all over the place, but I knew what the goal was. So I would say, what is your biggest dream? And fight for it like, it's nobody's business. And here's the thing. We trust that the air is going to be here tomorrow, every day, right. And we just -- we're gonna, you gotta know, I feel like stop being so violent with ourselves. We tell ourselves all these thoughts and things --.

Tracy: [crosstalk] Wooo.

Tika: That we are sometimes our own worst enemy. And we talk ourselves out of things before we even can get started. Right. And I would say, yeah, and I would say just stop being abrasive with yourself and try to love on you and gentle. Be more gentle, care because the world's gonna be abrasive enough. We don't need you and the world being like, I can't. I'm not. I don't. I can't. I woulda, coulda, shoulda, bouda -- bleh. Like, no. Like really, really, really sit down, figure out what you want, write out a plan. Right? Continue to work your job, whatever you're doing, but know that you are a child of God, man. And I don't feel like these whispers would be whispered into you or all this talent of whatever way it manifests would be put inside of you just to be wasted away. And I'm not saying everybody is gonna be a super duper star or at the top, but they're meant to be used in whatever way that comes out the washing. And so I would say go from there, Stacy.

Tracy: Stacy's gonna be so happy to hear this answer. [laughter] I just know she is. That was great. That was great. I'm always amazed by, like, how much stuff starts, but just having a plan. And how often I or Stacey just doesn't have a plan, you know? Just a plan. A novel idea.

Tika: Oh my God. A plan is a plan will help you pay off your bills.

[crosstalk] [Music out]

Tracy: Woo!

Tika: I'll tell you when before I had any money. I remember having a ton of debt from credit cards, from like applying for credit cards in front the college or just like got debt. And I remember a bill collector calling me and it was this -- I could tell he was a Black man. And he's like, listen, we can get rid of all this stuff. He's like, if we knock out one thing at a time. And literally I had every bill lined up and I took the the the smallest bill first and started paying it down.

[crosstalk] Yeah, yeah.

Tika: And I started -- and I'm talking throw in 10 dollars, 15 dollars at it. And then little by little until I paid off that 10 thousand dollar Marymount bill --.

Tracy: That had to feel great.

Tika: Like I got to pay that off because of One Life to Live. But I'm telling you, a plan will not -- allow you to knock out so many things you thought were just an uphill battle for the rest of your life.

Tracy: Well, I feel motivated to do plan something. And I don't know [laughter] might just be a bowl of cereal, but I'll be like, step one

Tika: Hello!

Tracy: Get out the bowl. Step two --. [laughs]

Tika: Hello! [laughs]

Tracy: This has been so great and beautiful. I want to know what you're up to now. I hear great things about Sugaberry. And there's a podcast. What did the people need to know?

Tika: The people need to know my business partner and I, Ty Randolph, launched a lifestyle brand called Sugaberry.com. And it's a celebrating brown moms and motherhood or if you're at the intersection of career, motherhood and just life. Right. Three years ago, I had a child and I just didn't see myself in a lot of places where motherhood was -- I think Black motherhood was just about surviving and not thriving.

Tika: Yes. Yes. Well, I'm sold. I don't have kids and don't think I want any. But this feels like --.

Tika: [crosstalk] Amen.

Tracy: Exactly where I need to be to like I just -- I'm sold. I'm in. I mean, is what I'm trying to say.

Tika: [crosstalk] Thank you. Thank you.

Tracy: [crosstalk] Thank you for your time. This has been just such a like a little ray of sunshine inside my coronavirus blanket for that I'm in.

Tika: [crosstalk] I'm happy. [laughs] I -- You're doing the thing, and I'm really proud of you and I love watching you and, you know, such a fan. Seriously, you're doing it.

Tracy: Awww. thank you.

Tika: No, you're fantastic and you're brilliant. And so just make sure you tell yourself that every day. Seriously, you really are.

Tracy: Aww. I will. I will work on it. I really, really will.

Tika: All right.

Tracy: Thank you!

Tika: You're welcome!

Tracy: So you could set some really big risks in doing what you had to do to make her dreams come true, and I would like to think that I am capable of doing the same thing, but I would just be real. I don't make great decisions all the time. And I got enough trouble just being a Black woman in America, you know? So not really a big risk taker over here. But I wondered what my homegirls thought about taking risks. So we got together over the Internet because of Covid, of course. And I asked them, are you a big risk taker?

Tracy: Hey. Well cheers everybody.

Friends: Cheers!

Tracy: To technology!

Renee: I mean I am all risk.

Tracy: Really?

Renee: Don't dip your toe in, just jump. [laughs]

Tracy: Oh, wow.

Renee: Like, I moved when I was 25, I moved to Canada. I lived on a mountain. I had six hundred Canadian dollars in my bank total.

Tracy: What?

Renee: I didn't know anyone. I met people on the plane who I ended up living with for a year.

Tracy: What!?

Renee: I didn't have money for a house deposit and they lent me money to live. So I am all about risk. Like some of -- the best things in my life have been from just like, hey let's give it a go.

Tracy: I'm looking at Brittany's face and she's like [laughter], what?!

Brittany: This is the thing. I'm like, I will do it. Like, I will take the risk but the whole time I'm like, oh, God. Like, and like, no one's making me do it, right. This is all by my choice. And I'm like, oh girl, ooh. I don't know about this decision. Or like, ooh, this doesn't feel good. I don't like it. Like so like I'll do it but I'll be complaining the entire time. Like my head, like my head is very much like girl, don't do this. But like my gut is like no, no, no. Press forward. There's a way.

Tracy: When I look back over my life like they're really big risks that I've taken. But like, I will stay in the house for I don't know how many days if I just like have a feeling bit like somebody who's outside who might try to snatch me up. Or somebody might try to kill me today. Staying in the house, you know what I mean? So I guess it's the way that I'm thinking about like risks because there's a risk of doing something big that will enhance your life and the risk of like going ziplining, which I don't know. Maybe? I can be peer pressured into it. But what I do about myself, nah. Brittany says no.

Renee: I think the risk needs rebranding.

Tracy: Does it?

Renee: If it's like moving to a city living you don't -- you're not from, taking a job that your -- you don't feel confident in or doing like big leaps. They are like, career progression or life progression, but people -- certain people see it as a risk. So we just need to rebrand risk. Invest in yourself. That's not a risk. You're believing in yourself, it's self belief. So I think it's just that risk needs rebranding.

Tracy: Oooh.

Brittany: Ms. Red Table Talk over here.

Tracy: Thank you so much for tuning in and hanging out with me again, it always thrills me when you come say hi. Going Through It is an original series made in partnership with MailChimp in Pineapple Street Studios. Executive Producers for Going Through It are Jenna Weiss-Berman, Max Linsky and Agerenesh Ashagre. Shout out to the producers of Going Through It. Our Lead Producer is Josh Gwynn. Production by Jess Jupiter and Janelle Anderson. Our Editor is the root beer to our vanilla ice cream and her name is Leila Day. Also, thanks to the voices that you heard sound off in this episode. Hey, D.J., you know what I'm gonna say? Let's hear those names.

Brittany: Brittany Loose

Renee: Renee Richardson.

Tracy: Our original music is by Daoud Anthony and our Engineer is Hannis Brown. Special thanks to Eleanor Kagan for being the alpha and the origin of this entire party. Stay in touch. You can find me on the social, such as Twitter and Instagram, @BrokeyMcPoverty. Please remember to tell your friends and family about the show. Make sure to rate and subscribe to Going Through It on Apple podcast, Spotify and wherever free podcasts are sold. That's the show for this week. We'll see you next week.