Going Through It

Going Through It Season 2 Episode 12 Angela “The Kitchenista” Davis Transcript

Tracy Clayton: This is Going Through It, a show about women who found themselves in situations where they said, nope, mm-hmm, not today. And they made a decision to make a change and turn something around. I am your host, Tracy Clayton.

Tracy: If you've ever been on Twitter on a Sunday that you might already be familiar with today's guest, Angela Davis. Not talking about the activist Angela Davis. She is not on Twitter because she has sense that I apparently do not have. But this Angela Davis is a chef who is making space online for other self-made cooks who are trying to navigate the whole culinary world. One of the ways that she brings people together is with the #kitchenistasundays, where Angela encourages people to trade recipes and most importantly, pictures. Pictures of their beautifully, perfectly roasted chicken, extra extra cheesy baked mac and cheese, ox tails. Uh, it kind of feels like a Sunday dinner but on the Internet. But before she was a super successful chef, Angela remembers a moment where everything changed for her. It started when she was a corporate accountant.

Angela Kitchenista Davis: There was a happy hour at work every Friday. You know, there was a lot of socializing that came along with this career. So I felt like an adult for the first time.

Tracy: This was her first job job. Like official job. She was proud. She felt secure. She felt excited. She was just on her grind.

Angela: I liked that there were like these, you know, milestones. Like I was looking for the next promotion and looking towards my next performance review. It was always like, how can I get to the next level? How can I make my next salary jump? How can I get a bonus?

Tracy: And she needed this job because at the time she had a school aged little boy and she was a single mom. So you already know it was real out there. Then just like that...

Angela: I was terminated. I didn't get much of an explanation. There was like no encouraging words to, you know, as I left. It -- I just -- it was just like I was I was I was done.

Tracy: No explanation given. Just put yourself in a box and get out.

Angela: They had somebody at my desk by that Monday that they had already been training. You know, I was rocked. I was humiliated. It felt like I had just done all of this work and for so many years thinking that eventually I would be rewarded in some way. And it just felt like it was all for nothing.

Angela: I shut down, you know, emotionally. I just, instead of jumping on all of these things, I did nothing. You know, like I laid on the couch for four weeks because I couldn't function.

Tracy: And while she was laid up on the couch, Angela did what many of us will probably do, binge watch TV.

Angela: I didn't have cable, so I was watching the cooking shows on PBS. America's Test Kitchen was one of them. It was almost like I was 18 again. And I was just fascinated by everything involving food. And I wanted to learn. And like, that's when I fell in love with food again.

Tracy: Angela went into survival mode. And did what needed to be done. Even though she didn't want to. Even though it was embarrassing. She called her mom.

Angela: She wasn't understanding why I was like, why is this? It was just this crisis. And she's not understanding the full picture. So I had to tell her that I was also pregnant. And that's why this was such a big deal. Like, I just lost my job. I'm having a baby. I'm a single mother. Like, I needed help. And the only place that I knew to go was, was to go home.

Tracy: So Angela packed up her little Toyota Corolla full of all the stuff that she couldn't or wouldn't sell on Craigslist. She was pregnant. She had a son in the backseat. And she started driving to her brand new home, her parents house.

Angela: I was just more embarrassed than anything else that I was, you know, 30 years old and having to move back home, in with my parents because I lost my job. That moment, it felt like maybe this is like we're healing can start and now I can look forward to my pregnancy and figure out what this life is going to be with, with two children.

Tracy: So once Angela was able to get her bearings, she started a food blog called "The Kitchenista Diaries" and it took off. Now, her recipes have been written about by USA Today and Essence Magazine. She's contributed to The Washington Post and Shondaland, which is a major flex. She's partnered with major brands. I mean, she is just unstoppable.

Tracy: Sometimes we don't move in a new direction intentionally, right? Sometimes we're pushed in that friends and family is what Angela The Kitchenista Davis and I sat down to talk about. Also baked macaroni and cheese.

Tracy: Okay. That was a lot. You went through a lot. So just let me, let me make sure I got this right. So you had a son, you were pregnant with a new baby and you lost your job?

Angela: I was. I was fired. Yeah.

Tracy: Why?

Angela: You know, it took me a long time to actually say that I was fired. For years after, I think I used like, more passive language. Like I lost my job or, you know, my position was terminated. But I was fired. I I knew that my performance was slipping. I thought I would be able to get ahead of it and look for a job on my own and leave on my own accord. The way that it happened, it was hurtful. I'm already a single mother. So I was -- there was a lot of like, guilt and shame that I was experiencing with that because it was, this is something I've already been through. And now I did it again. Like what -- what am I doing with my life right now? You know, those kind of questions were just kind of running through my head. And I couldn't move. You know, I think I binge watched like Grey's Anatomy from season one all the way through the end.

Tracy: [crosstalk] Ooh and it's like a hundred seasons of Grey's Anatomy. [laughs].

Angela: [crosstalk] I -- I could not function. Yeah. It -- I mean, that was and that was always like my thing. Like when, when my life, like, falls apart completely, like I don't know what it is about Grey's Anatomy, but that, that is like my, my safe place.

Tracy: [crosstalk] Yeah. Mine is Law and Order: SVU. [laughs]

Angela: [crosstalk] And -- [laughs].

Tracy: Wow.

Angela: So that's what I did. I didn't, I didn't -- didn't even know where to move. And I had my food blog already. I had started my food blog a year earlier. So I was active on social media. I was embarrassed. I wasn't ready to tell people. So I did nothing until I was ready to talk about it. And then once I did, I was actually surprised by kind of like the outpouring of support on Twitter. For --

Tracy: [crosstalk] Mhmm. Twitter's so lovely for that. At like the most random moments --.

Angela: [crosstalk] It can be.

Tracy: You know, it's like, wow --.

Angela: [crosstalk] Yeah.

Tracy: This place is really trashy, but sometimes --.

Angela: It has its moments. [laughs]

Tracy: Yeah, yeah.

Angela: So I was lucky that I had you know, I had just started developing a little bit of a following from my blog. So I had some people that were kind of in my corner and they were more excited than I was. You know, I was, I was kind of taken aback that they were so happy for me.

Tracy: What's -- what's the first dish that you made and served for your folks, your friends, your family that had people saying like, oh okay. So you can, like, cook, cook, like for real, for real. Do you remember that dish? What it was?

Angela: The first one that I remember making consistently was mac and cheese. I used to follow Patti LaBell's recipe. It was the Over the Rainbow Mac and Cheese. It was the custard style, had five different cheeses. And I really thought I was doing something. [laughter] But that was the first like, contribution to family gatherings that I was, you know, I used to be asked to make the mac and cheese. So that was like the cornerstone of, like, my experience doing like family, family meals.

Tracy: What an honor. I can -- people ask me if I can cook and my answer is always, I know had a not starve, which clearly [laughter] you look at me, you can see that I've eaten. But I'm intrigued by the, by the description of this Patti LaBelle mac and cheese, though. I have to go in, in search of that recipe.

Angela: I made that version for years until I learned how to make a béchamel sauce and then started using a different technique. But it was always like the first one that I learned, like how to blend cheeses and play with the seasonings. You know, that was, that was what I learned on.

Tracy: A thing that I know and that I experienced in working for everybody, [laughs] at my last I have in particular, is how important validation is when you're like doing a job and you're busting your ass and you're doing your very, very best every day. And to never hear, you know, hey, I see you or hey, good job or hey, hey, thanks for your contributions. Do you feel that now? Like has, has your decision to change jobs and change industries, like do you find that you -- that that need for validation is now there?

Angela: Yeah, I feel appreciated. You know, I don't, I don't think I ever felt that. I -- validation is something I wasn't getting at home either. I don't think I grew up with somebody, like, constantly patting me on the back. You know, unless I did very specific things. You know, if I got good grades then -- but it was more of like, this is what you're expected to do versus like you're being rewarded for going above and beyond. And the work that I do on social media, I get immediate feedback.

Tracy: [crosstalk] Yeah.

Angela: Within seconds of posting something, it can become -- it can become addictive. There's like this downside to like, you know, like constantly needing that validation. I have fallen into that when I'm not at my -- in my best state of mind. I think that validation can start to kind of fill like this void. You have to check yourself. Like it's, it's something I appreciate now. It's not, it's not what makes me get up every morning. But it's nice.

Tracy: Yes. So you still -- you've got all of this stuff going on internally, externally and if no one else understands this part of this struggle, Lord knows I do. What was the moment, if there was one moment where you were like, okay, I'm going to pursue cooking full time?

Angela: One was just finding the strength to, like, get back in the kitchen. So now I'm home. And I was finally getting some kind of strength to, like, just be up during the day. And I was getting my appetite back. So I got back in the kitchen, you know, and I took advantage of, like, having the time -- for the first time I wasn't working. So I had the whole day to cook. And that's what I did. And I just poured myself into my blog. So the first thing for me was like, I'm actually happy. I can stand on my feet for eight hours a day and I'm happy.

Tracy: Aww.

Angela: I'm not stressed. You know, I'm creating, I'm helping other people learn how to cook. It was fulfilling. For me that was the first sign that was like maybe I should figure out a way to do something that I actually enjoy. But it was the money part. It was, you know, like, how do -- how do I, how do I make money?

Tracy: [crosstalk] Yeah.

Angela: So I was I had to learn how to monetize my blog. The first couple opportunities, I got to do a sponsored post. I still -- I had no idea what I was doing. You know, I didn't know how to value my work, how to price it.

Tracy: Right.

Angela: I think I, I took -- the first contract I got was 50 dollars to write a recipe for a brand. You know, it wasn't even enough to cover the ingredients, but receiving fifty dollars was like, oh my gosh. Like, I can get paid to do this.

Tracy: [crosstalk] Yeah, yeah.

Angela: You know, it was like, it was exciting. There was a lot of validation on social media. That was important to me back then because it was like, it was the opposite of what I experienced at work. You know, I work. I never got positive feedback. When you do little things like nobody cares, when you do big things and you mess up, you'll hear about it from everybody.

Tracy: Woo!

Angela: On social media, you know, it was every day I was getting feedback. Positive feedback. The first major opportunity I got was cooking for The Roots, who I met Black Thought through Twitter and he --.

Tracy: Oh! The Roots like my favorite band, the Roots? [laughs]

Angela: [crosstalk] Like the band -- yeah. [laughs]

Tracy: [crosstalk] Okay, I see the flext.

Angela: [crosstalk] The Roots. Yeah. And he was tracking me down because he was -- he heard about my sweet potato pies.

Tracy: Wow.

Angela: And he was like, I need to get some pies. How can I -- how can we arrange this? And it -- I was, you know, I'm working out my parents' kitchen. And like, I don't have a bakery. I, I couldn't do what he was asking for at the time. But I -- but he said, well, how about we have this show coming up, maybe you could cook some food for the show? And I said, okay. I can do that. It was dope. You know, I just I never -- it was starting to become like more than I had imagined. So one of the things that I appreciate now is that I don't feel like there's a ceiling on what I can make or what I can go after. When I was an accountant, I felt very limited in like, how far can I keep pursuing this? You know, there were like very real barriers in place. And now, of course, there's a barrier in the sense of I have to be able to fund these ideas. That's not easy. But I can go as far as I choose to. You know, whatever I choose to go after, there's nobody stopping me. I'm the only person that can really get in the way of myself right now.

Tracy: I wish that I could just ask so many more questions because I see so many parallels in your story and my story and the story of pretty much every Black woman that I know. Angela, thank you so, so very much for chit-chatting with me.

Angela: It was nice talking to you.

Tracy: You as well.

Tracy: I love talking to Angela because I really, really could relate. Getting fired just really brings you to some dark places sometimes. Am I right? Been there, done that. Got the t-shirt. Didn't want the t-shirt. Tried to give it to somebody that I didn't like. They pry still have it. Anyway, you know, who I can count on in my darkest of darkest times? My homegirls. I feel so at home with them. I feel like I can send them absolutely anything. So we gathered over some good food and some good old drinks and we talked about moments when we were too embarrassed to ask for help. And why.

Tracy: Cheers!

Friends: Cheers!

Tracy: Cheers everybody!

Dani: I struggle, you guys. I'm gonna be honest. Full transparency. I struggle.

Tracy: Okay.

Dani: I don't have a problem asking people for help like physically in front of me. But like, I think my -- people always assume because I have a strong personality and like, I'm -- I seem more like self assured that like, I don't need help. And so I get treated like that a lot. And so, like in my head, I feel like, oh like, I'm supposed to be able to, like, handle all of these things. Like whether it's feelings or like an actual situation I'm in. And then like, I don't ask for help as much as I should. But I've been working on that for the last like, probably year or so.

Akeylah: That's good.

Dani: And I've been just like being more open to like being not weaker but being vulnerable.

Tracy: Is this the curse of the strong Black woman? Like everybody's thinking --.

Dani: [crosstalk] It is.

Tracy: That you don't need any help? Yeah, that's real.

Maya: I think it's just about asking the right people for help. And like, I would always feel like I would be a burden on someone or that someone would throw it back in my face later. But the past year, I've been better at asking people outside of my family for help. And no one's done that at all.

Dani: Yeah. Everyone's like, oh, what do you need?

Maya: [crosstalk] Yeah. But --

Dani: [crosstalk] Sure.

Maya: [crosstalk] Same as you said Dani, they're like -- it's the catch 22. Being like a strong Black woman. It's like you need help? It's like, yeah. Like a human being.

Tracy: Thank you so, so much for tuning in yet again. Going Through It is an original podcast made in partnership with MailChimp and Pineapple Street Studios. Executive Producers for Going Through It are Jenna Weiss-Berman, Max Linsky and Agerenesh Ashagre. Shout out to the producers of Going Through It. Our Lead producer is Josh Gwynn, production by Jess Jupiter, Emmanuel Happsis Janelle Anderson and production support by Alexis Moore. Our Editor is the perpetually poppin’ Leila Day. Also, thanks to the voices of the folks you heard sound off in this episode. You know what I need? Let’s roll those names.

Akeylah: I'm Akeylah.

Maya: I'm Maya.

Dani: I'm Dani.

Tracy: Our original music is by Daoud Anthony, our Engineer is Hannis Brown. And special special thanks to Eleanor Kagin for being the alpha, the originator, the one who started it all. Stay in touch! You can find me on Twitter and all the things @BrokeyMcPoverty. Spelled like it sounds. Tell your friends about the show. Make sure to rate and subscribe to Going Through It on Apple podcasts, Spotify and wherever free podcasts are sold. And that's our show. We'll see you next week. Please come back. I'll be sad and alone if you don't. Bye!

Tracy: It is! It is! I will come through this window, you hearing me? I'm fed up! This is my uh-uh moment. [laughs] I'm having it right now.